shuddering and trembling...

The last eight months of my life are on a table in the illustration room. It's all sort of hit me hard and sudden that this is IT. I brooded and shuddered all the way home yesterday, and once there I watched Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban twice in a row and all the special features so I wouldn't think about anything else before going to bed. I don't know HOW I'll last 'til Mon. It was SO hard leaving my portfolio yesterday, all crammed as is was on one little table looking so forlorn and alone and after I walked out the building I kept getting the irrational urge to dash back and just sit and hold my portfolio's hand and whisper kind words to it. I'll get the results on Mon, will pick up an envelope from the department office after 1:00...I see that envelope in every waking and sleeping dream...I want to open it, but I'll be so scared. Oh WHY do they put us through this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!